Advise for a Sleep Deprived Mama

Dear Domestic Yogi:

My nine-month-old baby will not sleep through the night, and it is so frustrating. When the baby gets back to sleep, a lot of the time I then can't get back to sleep. It is wearing me thin. Do you have any advise?

Sleep Deprived Mama

_________________________________________________________

Dear Sleep Deprived Mama:

Oh, sleep. New moms find themselves fantasizing about a full night of sweet silent sleep. Forget fantasizing about sex! Sleep is like the "new sex" for moms. Ahem. This is a family blog...sorry.

I do believe it is a myth that most babies sleep through the night in their first year naturally. Yes, some do, and count yourself lucky if they do, but most breastfed babies just don't sleep through the night for a long, long time.

That is, unless you define sleeping through the night as 4 or 5 hours at a time. But I am sorry, putting a baby to bed at 11pm after an insane long day, just to have them wake up at 4 am! That is not sleeping through the night. A nice 8 - 12 hrs is a more realist buffer for mom and child to get enough of a break to restore for the next day.

My son always woke up at least once in the night from 8 months - 2 years, then magically started to sleep full nights consistently around 2.5 years, which I hear is pretty much the norm.

In the first year of my son's life, we were up more like two - four times at night. Through trial and error, I learned to navigate this lack-of-sleep thing with a bit of peace and grace.

Here is my advise:
If your baby wakes, no matter how tired/annoyed/cranky/pissed you are about it, just try to stay centered, compassionate and loving. Otherwise, the baby picks up on your "off-centered-ness" and will get the message that something is wrong with you -  his/her rock. When the baby gets the message that something is wrong, it will send him/her into a "fight or flight" response, and it will be harder to get him/her back to sleep. When you do, the baby probably won't get back into a deep sleep, so the cycle continues and continues and it gets very ugly indeed.

Not to mention the absolute stress you bring to your body and mind by allowing yourself to get upset with being woken up. Your endocrines will release hormones when you are stressed/upset and that is why you probably can't get back to sleep.

Believe me, I do understand how annoying and upsetting it is not to get enough sleep, but the best thing for you and your baby is for you to accept that you will get woken up, and when you do, don't look at the clock, just try to stay peaceful about it not matter how long it takes to get your baby back to sleep.

Try hard to find compassion for your baby's needs. Obviously he/she needs the added reassurance that you are there. If you are having a hard time finding the compassion, try imagining all the difficult situations your baby could have just lived through in his/her recent past life. Perhaps he/she was living through a war in Africa where the children can't sleep at night for fear they will be harmed. Or maybe your baby died in his/her sleep in their past life before they were ready and now they are fearful of sleep in this life. There are so many situations you could think of.

Rest assured, that by comforting your baby constantly at night, you are not doing any harm, but building healthy trusting relationships.

My now 8-month-old daughter always wakes up at least twice at night. I don't really even notice it anymore. Assuming I get myself to bed at a reasonable hour, I always feel rested.

Making your child feel loved and cared for, even many times at night, is an important step in your internal growth towards being the best person you can be in this lifetime.

If you have any questions for The Domestic Yogi, please email: thedomesticyogi at gmail.com

The Spirited Hippo

When I stopped nursing my son to sleep, I needed another way to make him happy and sleepy, so I would turn off the lights and snuggle up close and make up a story or two before singing him sweetly to sleep. He adores my stories, no matter how silly, boring, or bad they may be.

Some nights I don't have the energy, but when I do, often I am amazed about how I am able to weave a decent story and teaching together on the whim of the moment. It has also inspired my son to make up his own stories, which he is getting better at, like me, with practice.

Snuggle up close, and listen to tonight's story about a spirited hippo. My son made me tell it twice, so I guess it's not too bad. This story, by the way, sounds much better acted out than it reads:

Once upon a time there was a big blue hippopotamus. He was a happy hippo, with two big teeth on top and two big teeth on the bottom. This happy hippo loved to run out into the bright green meadow every morning, and jump around merrily snapping his big mouth in the wind while trying to eat the flowers. He especially loved the yellow, orange and red flowers in the meadow.

Until one day, he came upon a cricket. There the happy hippo was laughing heartily as his twisted in the air bounding after a buttercup, when the cricket shouted out: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? The hippo stopped and looked down and saw the little cricket standing there with a scowl on his face.

You almost ate me, shouted the cricket.

Oh, said the hippo, I am so sorry, please excuse me.

Humph, said the cricket, who do you think you are anyways?

Oh, I am just a hippo who loves to run and dance and eat flowers in the meadow.

Well, that is absurd. Who has ever heard of a hippo who runs and dances and eats flowers? Hippos don't do that. Such behavior is unruly.

Oh, said the hippo, I never thought of it like that. I suppose you are right.

So the hippo, found a nice spot in the shade of an old oak tree and sat down and sighed a big sigh. And then sighed again more slowly. And then sighed again even more sadly and slowly.

There he came back and sat each morning for days and days, and weeks and weeks, and months and months until...

Another cricket came and bounced up onto the hippos lap and said very chipperly: hello there!

Oh, said the hippo slowly, hi there.

Whatcha doing, asked the cricket.

Nothing, moped the hippo. Just sitting here.

What's wrong, asked the cricket.

Oh....I guess I am just bored. And maybe a bit sad.

Well, what do you like to do then?

Oh...I dunno. I used to love to run and jump and dance and eat flowers in the meadow.

Well, said the cricket, why don't you go do that?

Can't, said the hippo. It wouldn't be very hippo-like.

Oh, I see, said the cricket. And he became really quiet. There the two sat for some time, quietly. Until the cricket spoke again. Well, it seems to me that you are happiest when you are running freely eating flowers. While other hippos are happiest sitting silently in a pond watching the world go by. Just because no other hippo loves to do what you do, doesn't mean that you shouldn't do what you do.

Uh, I am not sure I am following you, said the hippo.

Well then, let me ask you a question hippo. Are you hurting anyone by running around in the meadow dancing and eating flowers?

No, said the hippo.

How does it make you feel, asked the cricket.

Wonderful, said the hippo, truly wonderful. The hippo began to think about running in the meadow, and slowly he began to light up, and shine almost like the sun.

The cricket spoke again. What I am saying is that you need to follow your heart hippo. If it tells you to run and dance and chop flowers, then I think you should listen to it. Don't worry what other people think, or you will continue to sit around moping all day.

Oh, said the hippo. I suppose that makes sense too.

And off went the hippo, bounding through the meadow again with even more joy than before. And from that day on, the hippo remained a happy hippo.

If you happen upon a bright green meadow this summer, remember the hippo and have yourself a dance and see how you feel.

Sundance and The Loss of Ritual in Western Culture

Our marriage ceremony in the Sundance arbor

This week, my household is packing up and getting ready for our family trip to the woods for a Lakota Sundance. It is a week long camping adventure my husband and I have been doing, apart or together, for about a decade. It is an important part of the year for us, perhaps the most important.

I always leave the Sundance feeling reconnected again- reconnected to myself, my family, to others, to nature, as well as to that "great mystery" out there. It has become like our yearly "tune up".

There are many native american tribes through out Canada and the USA that still surround the cottonwood tree for a Sundance, usually done around the time of the summer solstice. There is an intense preparation time to get ready for the ceremony, then it is a time of purification, prayer, healing and renewal for the participants.  

It is a bit weird, I will say, to participate so deeply in something (to the point of being married) that is so outside of  my own culture. I was brought up, and still identify with "western culture." I will never exchange my culture for the native american one, but I seek to learn from their ways and honor it as much as a full-blood Westerner can. 

I have tremendous respect for the ways traditional people create opportunities to mark the seasons. I am fascinated by their use of ritual and ceremony. I have always felt the loss of the absence of this in Western culture. 

Recently, I had the privileged of listening to a talk on the summer solstice by Storytime Yoga founder, Sydney Solis. In this talk she hit it home to me about the significance of ritual and the importance of celebrating the seasons. I have transcribed and edited her talk below:

Traditional peoples mark [the summer solstice] as a time of renewal. Western culture just keeps marching on like the past has happened, and marching on towards the future. But there is a eternal return, a continual cycle, and to mark it with ritual, such as with summer solstice time, creates a very powerful psychological shift.

In western culture we consume ideas. We do a lot of thinking and watching, but when you physically get out there and participate, when you move your body and dance and honor the life, when you eat together, then this conscious act becomes so powerful.

Traditional peoples would say, if you do not do a ritual, if you do not participate, then things go away. We see in our modern society extinction of animals, depletion of resources, depression, suicide. We have kind of of lost our way. Not to revert to old ways, but to find new ways to bring it into our current lives. We live in a sophisticated society that never going to be the old ways. 

It is essential for humans to have connection and meaning in their lives. We are to identify ourselves with that mysterious force that moves in cycles, and we are to move in harmony with those cycles.  Myths and rituals guide us to that inner world and depth of our being.

Old times, there was a season for everything, cycles, festivals for everything. Everything had a rhythm, and everyone participated and had a role. But our culture has alienated itself. We don't directly participate with nature, and therefore we are alienated from ourselves.

Our modern society has less nature and more technology. There is a mechanical loss of humanity, or soul. 

[During the summer solstice time] focus on slowing down and enjoy life. Focus on the simplicity and beauty of nature to awaken inside.

Because everything that is on the outside level is within you as well. When we really connect to things, we begin to influence it. We live in harmony with it. And it becomes what we want it to become. We influence the outside. 

Our dreams influence things, our positive thoughts influence. So does your joy and celebration when you honor things. You effect change.

About Sydney Solis:

It was after settling down with married life and raising two children that Sydney Solis discovered her love of storytelling in 2000. Since then, Sydney has been spreading the joy and wisdom of yoga and story with classes, performances, trainings and workshops internationally. She taught a Children's Yoga Teacher Training at the Omega Institute, and hosts a Kids' Yoga Camp at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health. From her children's show on PBS to The National Association for the Education of Young Children to the Estes Park Yoga Journal Conference, Sydney enchants audiences of all ages with Storytime Yoga™.

Sydney has more than 375 hours of training in the Anusara tradition. She completed a 200-hour Anusara training with her teacher Bhakti and Level I teacher training with Anusara founder John Friend. She studied yoga therapy with senior Anusara teachers Jeanie Manchester and Anthony Bogart, Ashtanga yoga with Richard Freeman, and Yoga Nidra with SreeDevi Bringi.

Check out Sydney's site, www.storytimeyoga.com, to learn more about how you can find her award winning book: Storytime Yoga: Teaching Yoga to Children through Story, or subscribe to the Little Lotus Storytime Yoga Kids Club.

Cloth Diapering Has Raised My Consciousness

Cloth diapering, so much more work? Well, I see it more as "right effort". With right effort, consciousness can expand. I do feel like cloth diapering has actually raised my consciousness and enhanced my life. Let me explain.

If you've had a baby already, remember how much work it all felt like at first? Everything was new, and there was so much to learn and know. It can be totally overwhelming. But comparatively, the second baby barely puts a dint into things.

That is how cloth diapering has been for me. Overwhelming at first, but now it barely feels like more work. No rushing out to buy disposable diapers at inconvenient times. No spending money on something I am just going to throw away.

In fact, dare I say, cloth diapering seems to enhanced my life.

First, they rarely leak, like disposables, which is just so annoying.

Secondly, I don't have to touch unnatural materials, such as chemicals encased in plastic, an added 5 to 7 times a day.

Thirdly, cloth diapering has raised my consciousness.

Cloth diapering has completely changed my outlook on our household's daily consumption and waste. It freaking blows my mind that a piece of cloth can be pooped and peed on at least once a week for a year or two or more, and still hold up, possibly even free of stains! Blows my mind!

It has gotten me to think that if one little piece of cloth can do that, then why are we creating all this paperwaste? I now use cloth all the time instead of papertowels. (Well, unfortunately I forgot to communicate this to my husband so we are working off two rolls he bought a month ago). I try to use cloth and containers where I used to use plastic baggies. I am more aware of our own plastic consumption. I try to make better purchasing decisions to cut down on the plastic that will inevitably wind up in landfills. I find ways to be more efficient with things so as to create less waste.

I used to think of myself as quite environmentally aware, but cloth diapering has really opened my eyes, and made me really see it and feel it.

My baby daughter and I went away on a three-day trip together. On a road trip, I just bring the big wet bag and keep on cloth diapering. But an airplane that charges now for checking just one bag, I had to do something. I considered buying Grovia's 100% biodegradable disposable diapers. But instead chose their biodegradable disposable inserts since you get more for the same amount.

Just three days using disposable wipes and throwing away inserts left and right, and it all just felt so bad and so silly to be so wasteful.

It makes me wonder what are the karmic implications of creating so much needless waste? 

Especially if it makes you feel bad when you throw stuff away. That "bad energy" you have created for yourself  (in way of thoughts and feelings) is now stored in your body! As a yogi and mediator, I  have experienced first-hand how past negative thoughts and actions are stored in the body. It is so unnecessary!

Even if you don't consciously feel bad about creating so much garbage, it is still bad karma.

Oh but all that laundry! That has to be more work, right?

True, doing an extra load or two a week is something you don't have to do if you use disposables. But I will let you in on a little secret, which, to be honest, still blows my mind.

The cloth diaper loads are actually my favorite load of laundry to do.

When doing our other laundry, I usually find that my mental chatter is griping about how much unnecessary laundry my husband and son create. I can get overwhelmed by all the laundry.

But cloth diapering, oh it is rather magical.

It amazes me every time how something so absolutely disgusting can be pre-washed, washed, and extra-rinsed and come out so darn clean!

Not to mention that the cloth diaper load is the one load I am so happy to get it cleaned as soon as possible, because who wants dirty diapers sitting around. Ew. I am always happy dealing with cloth diapers because I love the fact that I am touching, and my daughter is touching cloth, not something unnatural. And happy about not contributing to our land fills.

That happiness even transpires when I am folding them, or hanging them on the line. It always seems like a joyful mindfulness meditation when I am folding or hanging or unhanging.

This is serious life-enhancing stuff, so I think.

If you cloth diaper, how has it effect you?

Tips for Parents of Scorpios

A few friends of mine are having babies in November, and have asked for some insight into scorpio babies & children.

Since I have two of my own scorpios, and not-to-mention a scorpio husband, I thought I would share some of my own first-hand-experience, especially how to keep them in balance.

Scorpio have a certain reputation for being moody, intense and drawn to deep intimate relationships. From my experience with them, I'd say that it's fairly accurate.

Personally, I love scorpios' energy. It is deep, intense and powerful. When channeled correctly, their inner intensity makes them so outwardly passionate and enthusiastic that it is hard not to be swept away and perhaps be even inspired by them. Adults or children alike. Their inner power externally manifests as ambition, persistence, and determination. These characteristics, as you can imagine, can lead a scorpio to accomplish many things in this great wide world.

Watch out though. If a scorpios' inner energy is out of balance, when their "big inner energy" releases, it may just sting you. Sorry for the lame metaphor, but unfortunately, it is a perfect word to describe it. For adults anyways, whenever I come out of a social interaction with a scorpio off balance, the nicer words that come to mind are "biting", "weird", "grumpy" or "bitchy".

Moody is a Doozy
When scorpios' deep inner needs are being met, and they are on the edge of their development curve where they are learning and growing, then they will be bright, happy, and brilliant stars.

Since Scorpio's are prone to moodiness, it is usually evidently clear when something is not right with them.

Especially true when it has to do with "big picture" stuff. I can always tell when my boys' spirit are not in tune. They start to have this undertone of grumpiness every day that just doesn't go away. It isn't a really bad at all, but its there, you know it.

I see it in my son when he doesn't get enough interaction, or is learning enough, or have something he can channel his energy into, he is a grump! When we started him in violin lessons, for example, his spirit started to shine again.

As for my baby girl. She is a double scorpio (also scorpio rising). For her, I see it as this: she is so content, happy, bright and spirited. Especially when she is on the edge of her learning curve. Just before she could sit up alone-ish, she became a very-vocally-loud-protesting-grump for a week! Then she could sit up by herself and she couldn't be happier not to be laying around most of the day.

It seems scorpios' mood can change on a dime. So as the care taker, you got to be prepared to react and balance it out.

Her scorpio comes out mostly when she is tired or hungry. You don't really know, until you know without a shadow of a doubt. She turns on a dime. To the point of being in the middle of a big expressive-laugh, that ends with an angry upset shriek loud enough the dogs down the street could hear it.

So Sensitive
Scorpio's are known to be sensitive, but it is in a deep solid way. Not like an "air sign" toddler who can get blown away and so overcome with emotion from the first breeze of the wind. Scorpio's sensitivity has more to do with being attune to their environment. They seem to have a deeper sense of what is going on. They are sensitive to the vibe in a room, or the vibe of a person. They can read others emotions, like if they are happy or sad, or even happy/sad with them. They are intuitive.

As a baby, my son was always extra sensitive to my vibe. If I was having a bad day, it was an even worse day for him because he was so tuned into me and didn't know what was wrong. Now he is older and knows that sometimes I am grumpy (yes! I admit it!) but that it isn't his fault (I make sure he knows I am sorry, but I am just tired or whatever) and he so he can function now independently, and is fine. (Now if he would just learn to leave me alone when I am grumpy. Ha, fat chance. Read the intimacy part).

Although they may sense it, Scorpio children may or may not be greatly effected by the external "vibe". My daughter, for example, who doesn't seem to be as effected by other people's emotional states. When my on gets grumpy at her for an irrational reason ("stop touching my car!!! UGH!!") and is very typically dramatic about it, she thinks it is the funniest thing she has ever seen. (I do too but am more polite).

Deep Intimate Connection
Because they are so sensitive and intense, scorpios tend to form very intense bonds with others, especially the main care-takers. My hubs was a bit jealous of my son-and-my connection at first. My son was a bit possessive of me, dare I say. Still is, but in a good solid, grounded to an adult way. He isn't shy to play or be left at grandparents, friends or school.

My son loves to play with his friends. Every few months I will causally ask him,  "so who is your best friend now?"  So far, he keeps surprising me and answers, "you mom." Not looking for the compliment, I try to dive a little deeper. "No really, which friend do you like to play with the most?" But a lass, there it comes with a real loving smile, "you mama." "Oh," I say, "thanks." And I give him a hug, quite honored.

It seems like scorpios have a deep longing for a deep connection with another to feel complete and in balance.

So if you want a deep connection with your child, and are having (or have) a scorpio, then you are in the money! Scorpios certainly possesses the ability.

That is why I choose, in part, to stay at home with my two scorpios. I fear they would resent me if I didn't, and would act out negatively. I am also pretty happy at home, so that helps too.

Mental Stuff
Adults and children scorpios alike are mysterious, a little sneaky, and imaginative. The introvert, like my husband, as a child loved setting up toy scenes for his fantasy worlds. There is always a lot going on in his head, and a lot of it having to do with "mysterious" things.

My son, who is an extrovert, absolutely loves to play out skits, do big dramas, and role playing. Usually ninjas and superheros of the late. He is also thinking, thinking, thinking, most of which I am privy to since he likes to talk it all out, and ask a million questions. It is exhausting. He also shines up like a light bulb when he "tricks" you in a game, or is being sneaky. I actually pretend like I don't notice him being sneaky so he can get his sneakiness out. (Oh, aren't I sneaky!)

Despite that scorpios have a sharp mind prone to imagination and fantasy, they are still fairly grounded and very rational beings from my observation. Friends with toddlers who are "air" or even "fire signs" seem to have a hard time rationalizing with their toddlers who get very emotional. The air and fire sign children may have a harder time getting them focused and following direction - aka the free spirits who tend to be in this group. Not a bad thing per say, until you are trying to get your kid up and out to do stuff ect.

From a very small age, say 16 months, I have been able to talk to my son and rationalize with him through a situation  This made "the terrible two's" not as bad. He can get intensely focused on an activity if he likes it, and is pretty easy to take direction. This is somewhat typical to a scorpio kid I hear.

How To Help Keep Scorpio's Mood In Check? 

The best way to manage scorpios, I have found from living with three, is to "ground" them. I am an earth sign so it comes easy to me. Here are some ways:

1) Make sure they go connect to nature every day.  Walk with bare feet, go for hikes, adventures out in nature, go camping. You get the picture.

2) Make sure they eat on time. Best tip ever. Don't forget this, or be ready and waiting for their scorpio tail to reer up and strike you even before you know what is happening. Hand them a snack quick! Or you will loose them into a dark downward spiral as they become irrational, argumentative, strubborn....it is not pretty folks. You are warned. 

3) Make sure they get enough sleep. True for most people really, but when dealing with moody people, you have to cover your bases. Try to get your baby/child on a regular nap schedule and night time routine. You will be rewarded.

4) Give lots of kisses and hugs. Be ready and waiting to give lots of comfort to your little one (or even your scorpio spouse).  They feel grounded by touch. 

5) Human Connection. They need to feel a deep bond with another. They want to know someone loves them and has "their back".  This keeps them in balance, and makes them feel safe.

But Wait, My Scorpio Isn't Very Moody
Either A: you are doing a really great job at balancing your little scorpio.
Or B: you are lucky!

But there is also other signs (like their rising sign and moon sign)  in their zodiac chart that could be overshadowing. Or other genetic stuff. Or this whole zodiac thing is a crock!

Hope this is helpful to know how to balance your scorpio child. In the end, a person is unique and so who knows. Life is a mystery!

More Info on Scorpios
Scorpio (♏) is the eighth astrological sign in the Zodiac, originating from the constellation of Scorpius. Scorpio is considered a feminine, negative (introverted) sign by most modern astrologers. Under the tropical zodiac, the Sun enters Scorpio on October 23 and exits on November 22. In Greek Mythology, the myths associated with Scorpio almost invariably also contain a reference to Orion. To read more, click here.