The Greatest Gift From my Son

Loving his new baby sister

I have a boy, who is very much a boy. He loves is obsessed with playing with cars, trucks or anything with wheels. He loves to be the male macho superhero. He possesses those traits that are culturally associated with being masculine: fiery, confident, strong, bold, and intense all come to mind.

Yet, he is also sweet, sensitive, nurturing, and can get very co-dependent. This is the yin to his yang.

We all have masculine and feminine parts of ourselves. Some are physical traits, others are in the mental or emotional body. It is healthy to have a balance of this.

What I love about this time in my son's life though, is he still greatly respects females, and isn't afraid to explore that female nature inside of himself. 

For example, in his role-playing, he is always mom, and usually pregnant or taking care of a baby. Unless he he is a superhero. But "mom" lately is gaining strength over "superhero". He takes time to explore this character and is, as one of my friend's pointed out, very committed to his characters.

He isn't afraid to wear pink, or "girlie" looking clothes. In his own words he has told me that pink is for girls. I corrected him by saying a lot of girls like pink. Whether he believed me or not I don't know. But he is a very perceptive lad, and almost four, so I am sure he has noticed what girls wear in this culture.

He has taken to wearing this necklace (below) that he made and will not take it off. It has pink and purple beads (and blue and green), with a white and pink pony charm in the middle. It looks rather "girlie" don't you think?

He doesn't do it all the time, but has found some hand-me-down clothes for my daughter in his size and wants to wear them out.

I do not encourage any of this, nor do I discourage it. I just observe and let him explore if he wishes. 

Upon asking if anyone said anything about the blue barrette in his hair at school the other day - there didn't seem to be much reaction. I wonder if there was.

The thing is, my son seems to be a bit of a subtle alpha dog. The other kids like him and respect him, as much as they can for that age. So he probably wouldn't of got picked on too much if any because of it. In fact, one of the other mother's asked where I got his necklace because her son wanted one. Go figure.

My son loves to roll with the boys, yet I find it so touching that I am raising a boy whose biggest role-model, so far, is me, his mother. 

I love that I am raising a boy who sees the beauty and power that comes from girl's and women's more subtle  inner strength. I know he basks in the compassion and love that seems to just pour out of mothers. For the most part, he instinctually trusts other mothers.  He instantly will warm up in a new environment as long as there are female role-models.

Men, however, he doesn't always trust. He hasn't quite figured them out yet.

I remember being completely blown away when I found myself in a corporate banking job on Bay Street (the Wallstreet of Canada). Here I was working in a very masculine-type yang pressure power-hungry environment for a renowned short-tempered shark of an investment banker. But what I found, after a while, was this shark I was working for, was in fact, the first man I have ever known who had so much respect for women and females-alike. It wasn't a sexualize or obsessive devotion or anything. Just a very genuine loving gratitude and respect for the mothers, wives, and women in general.  It just made me respect him even more.

Perhaps this speaks more to the environment that I was raised in. I was raised to believe, like most girls growing up in the 80's, that girls could do anything boys could do, and maybe even better. My parents certainly echoed this notion for me. However, the biggest male role-model in my life, my dad, didn't truly believe this about the already grown up women in the world.

My prayer is that my son can hold onto this love and respect he has for women and girls for the rest of his life. Especially if he becomes an influential man in the world.

What a world we could create that has a more balanced "power" structure.  There would be less war, fighting, and need to possess things and dominate them. Instead more love and compassion, and listening and getting to the deeper truth.

This reminds me why my role as a mother is such a powerful one. This, my friends, is how we change the world, one mother at a time.

Cloth Diapering a Newborn - the Cheap and Easy Way

If you are looking to try out cloth diapering your baby from birth, and you are not quite sure about it. This is the cheapest, easiest and most effective way.

This way can save you approx $185 over just four months - and that is a conservative estimate. Your stash could last until 6 months, so it would save you more like $305!

Most one-sized diapers don't really fit well from 0 - 3 months. If you are on the fence, then you are not going to like messing around with the big bulky one-sized diapers on your 7-lb-skinny-legged-precious-bundle. Yes, they are bulky,  and you won't be able to squeeze your baby into that squeal-worthy newborn outfit you maxed out your credit card with. More importantly, you won't like the extra messes if the fit isn't tight around the string-bean-legs. 

Add this to the overwhelming adjustment and sleep deprivation of a newborn, and you'll risk throwing in the towel even before you give it a chance.

Instead, this is what you do:

1) Buy at least six (6) small covers

My recommendations from experience is the Thirsties Duo 1 wrap cover. These fit babies 6 - 18 lbs. Mine lasted until 16ish pounds though, when my baby was around 5 months. The rise became too small, leaving her crack hanging out. These can easily be found second hand on Diaperswappers. You can get excellent to good quality from $10 - $6/each including shipping. So that will run you $36 - $60 for six covers.  (You can get six new for $80). 

Better yet, you can resell them afterwards on Diaperswappers. Assuming they are still in decent condition, after selling fees and shipping you should get back $25-$40, that you can reinvest in your next size up if you want to continue.

I recommend velcro (applix) closure over snap for this first round of small diapers only. This gets you a better fit, espeically needed when they are so small and have skinny legs. Velcro wears out fast, but you will only be in these for 3 - 6 months, and you are a newbie, so don' t risk snaps at first. 

I do recommend switching to snaps when the baby gets bigger because you want the cloth diaper to last you the rest of your babies diapering days (another year or two). Snaps do an amazing job at going the distance, and your baby when s/he gets older will have a tougher time getting the diaper undone. 

To illustrate this point. I've used my Grovia snap covers full time for almost 7 months, and they barely looked used. My applix (velcro) Grovia cover, however, looks pilly at the top and faded a bit. The velcro is still holding up well though.

2) Buy at least eighteen (18) small prefolds 

Do not be scared by the name. They are easy, dry quick, cheap, soft and all around awesome. 

It is just a rectangle that you can fold into thirds and lay into the cover. Other like getting more complicated with it and using cloth diaper fasteners (not pins). But let me tell you, those Thirsties covers are amazing. They have super gussets at the legs that keep the wet in. If you don't believe me, watch some reviews on You Tube.

Eighteen should last you 2 1/2 days, assuming baby wets 7 times a day. If you want to do laundry less, then buy more.

I recommend buying these new and unbleached. The cheapest are cotton, but you can get more fancy with hemp, or bamboo. Natural fibers hold up really well and are very absorbent. I love Swaddlebees (smalls). They are made with 4x8x4 layers of unbleached cotton twill that gets softer and more absorbent with time. I have some medium-sized ones that are still looking wonderful and feel soft after months of wear. You can get 18 for $36.

Here and here are two little videos showing how the prefold and cover goes one. 

3) Conservative Cost Savings

Using this method, if you get the six covers second-hand and the 18 prefolds new, the total cost is approximately $80! 

This $80 is spread over at least 4 months, if not up to 7 for smaller babies. Not to mention the $25-40 you can get back by reselling your covers! So that could be, to be conservative, net $55! To be fair, I do buy special cloth diaper detergent ($14 lasts about 4 months), and you also got to add in the the energy it cost to wash them. 

But, lets look at the conservative estimates of what generic disposables will cost. For the first four months of life, generic disposables will cost you at least $40 a month, maybe even down to $30 if you do it el-cheapo buying bulk at Costco or the like. Plus disposable wipes will cost you at least another $20 a month. (If you cloth diaper you might as well use cloth wipes too. An easy affordable way is to just cut and sew up your extra receiving blankets.)

The grand total, after four months of throwing away diapers and wipes is $240! Man, even by my conservative estimates that is a lot. 

4) The Cloth Diapering Extras

* You may want to invest in a wet/dry bag to hold the cloth diapers in at home and a small one when you are out and about. 

For at home, you could always just use a regular trash can with lid, and a plastic liner until you feel committed to cloth diapering. Or use a plastic grocery bag for your diaper bag when you are out. Then you can invest in the wet/dry bags later.You wash these bags and they will last for years. PlanetWise makes great hanging ones for home, or small ones for when you are out. There are other uses for the bag too, after you are done with it, like transporting wet bathing suits home. Cost for both is $51 (for the two).

* Biodegradable disposable inserts. These are great for travelling, overnight or when you just can't deal with it anymore. G-diapers small inserts work well in the small Thirsties covers, or the Grovia. If using the Grovia, DO NOT use the sticky backing, it will ruin your Thirsties PUL (polyurethane liner).

* Microfleece layers are nice to lie on the top of your prefold to wick the moisture away from your baby's bottom. You can just buy a yard of it and cut it up to fit on top, or cut up some old microfleece clothes or blankets.

* Store-bought cloth wipes are a fun extra. I recommend starting with a stash of 20.

* Cloth diaper friendly detergent. Rockin Green, or Charlies Soap have a good rep. Other regular earthy detergents work, as well as scent free main stream. Here is a good list.

* Cloth diaper friendly cream. You can use the regular stuff with a liner (even toilet paper on top of the prefold) so that it doesn't get onto the cloth and ruin it. But if you don't want to mess with it, check out my review on Grovia's magic stick. It works good on cloth or not, and goes on like a deodorant stick so there is no mess.

You might want to buy a few more covers or prefolds so you don't have to wash so much. Six covers and 18 prefolds should get you through 2 1/2 days.


Have fun! For $55, it is a pretty cheap way to test drive cloth diapering out. Plus you will learn what you like and don't for the next size of diapers. Let me know if you have any questions or have more wisdom to share!

Foot Memoir: Finding the "Soul" of the Foot

My feet have taken me so far in life, always wanting to run free and propel my body. But at the same time, they have held me back from achieving my childhood dreams.

You see, I grew up as a competitive gymnast, a dancer, and then a springboard diver. I lived in a world where a beautiful curved toe point accentuates any movement and left a deep lasting impression on the audience, especially the judges.

But for me, this was out of my grasp. When I pointed my toes they barely looked pointed; and my legs barely looked straight. I certainly couldn't point my toes and straighten my legs while putting my legs straight together (I had to externally rotate my legs to keep my ankles together).

Me at aged 9, trying as hard as I can to straighten and point.
(This picture still makes me cringe)

Try as I might to muscle my toes down, they never listened. I spent many of hours of my childhood with my toes rammed under the couch trying to force my feet into submission. I loved to do this while watching tv.

Visions of years with coaches yelling at me, come to mind, trying to get me to try harder to straighten or pointen to showcase those mad skills I worked so hard on perfecting. But try as I might, the effort seemed futile. To compensate I had to out jump or out skill the rest (and boy could I tumble). Or I had to rely on my creativity to stand out in hopes of achieving my Olympic dreams.

My darn feet may of held me back, but my spirit didn't relent. I was  pushed to work on ingenuity and creativity in my life, not just for beauty. 

My works of art may not be the most breath-taking, but they are certainly creative. I remember making a pot in pottery class simply because the teacher told me the innovative technique I was using wouldn't hold up. In the end it wasn't so much beautiful, as it was skillful and unique.

I knew that my feet would never conform to point shoes, though I deeply longed to achieve such grace, agility and beauty. Instead, I focused on modern dance, and the pieces I created in my teens involved fighting aliens and lost aboriginals.

Instead of finding beauty in simplicity, my mantra growing up was complexity and creativity.

There is nothing wrong with creating beauty with the body. As a yoga teacher I put students into poses and sometimes I am blown away by the absolute beauty of it. The other day I was teaching purvottanasana, where your hands are on the ground and you lift your heart to the sky. I looked around the room and there was two of the most beautiful purvottanasana's I have ever seen. Like ever - not even in books or online.

Their hearts so high in the air, the beauty of the curve of their back, and, what got me, was the finishing touch of beautiful arch of their pointed toes. It was simply heavenly to look at. I may of even stopped mid-sentence just to marvel.

That is just it. I wouldn't of appreciated the beauty of a pointed toe as much if it came easily to me.

Better yet, is through yoga, I have actually learned to love my feet.

In fact, they are probably my favorite part about my body now. I have worked hard to correct the imbalances of my legs, the classic dancer-loving external rotation of the legs (think ballet dancer standing with first position, feet turned out). My ankles are now more balanced too. My toe point, well, it's maybe a touch better than it was. But it doesn't matter to me much anymore.

Now, I am so much more connected to my feet than I ever was while in the physical activities of my youth.

I have spent hours upon hours feeling my legs and feet as I walk, trying to correct my natural inclination to fly my toes out to the side.

Feet spread and planted
even while watching the little one

I've learned to bring the energy down to my feet, which gets me out of my head, and grounds my body and mind. I do this while in yoga, or though out my day.

I look at my feet and try to find space between my toes, and try to balance the inside and outside edges. I press my feet down and try to feel the connection with the earth, then try to feel the earth's energy rebounded up my legs and into the rest of my body.

This connection I have with my feet now is one of wholeness.

It is not a relationship based on external physical ability (or lack there-of), but a honored relationship where I can use my feet as a tool to create a more divine connection to my being.

I love to walk barefoot or in sandals, spreading my toes and feeling the earth - that eternal timeless earth - beneath my feet. From my feet I can connect more deeply to wherever I am, while also remembering who I am.

I now understand why they call the bottom of the foot, the "soul" of the foot.

That is why I now love and honor my feet.

As far as I have come, transforming my relationship with my feet from anger and hatred, to one of love, I still look at my children's feet and think: thank god you both don't have my feet!

What body part do you have a "complicated" relationship with? How have you found peace with it as you grow older?

Summer Imprints

Summer is a wondrous time of year where the weather is warm, parents work less, and children play more. It is a time where children and adults alike can be more easily seduced into moments of reckless abandon, spontaneous laughter, and senseless overindulgence.

For me, this conjures up memories of the County Fair with my four-year-old son. We escape the heat as day turns to night and we skip merrily around the rides in what seemed like some far-out-video-game-dimension where neon lights spun around our heads, mixing with competing cankerous carnival ride music. Happy faces found everywhere, young and old, all buzzing from this over-stimulating multi-sensory acid-like-trip.

Perma-grin plastered on my face, enjoying every moment for the simple reason that I am with my son. This is our memory making night. Growing up, I scoffed at such cheap thrills. As a mom, I want a magical fun filled night for me and my son. And oh, it was indeed. Including a new thread of wisdom of what it feels like to eat an elephant ear (fried dough) on an empty stomach. Ugh.

"Can we go back to the fair please mom! Please." And repeat, for the rest of the summer, and still.

Summertime is filled with so many once-a-year opportunities that demand our senses to wake up and pay attention before the days grow short again. 

It is a time where nature is simply bursting with its fruits. There is nothing like eating fresh berries right off the plant, or harvesting your own veggies. Every year, after watching the plants grow and swell, I look forward to my first bite of garden grown tomato, lightly salted on toasted bread with a sprig of Genevieve basil, generous mayo. Worth the wait, I say. I can't buy tomatoes in the winter anymore.

Purple edible flowers

Each year, those freshly plucked berries taste just a little different to me. Not better, not worse, just different each year.

I remember kneeling down in my old cutoff jean shorts as a kid, picking strawberries from the local patching patch. There was nothing like staring at that velvety dark-red berry found deep within a thick green bush, that someone else had overlooked. It was my prized diamond in the ruff.

There is a certain smell - a real smell, unlike strawberry bubblicious gum - that waifs to your nose after you've taken a bite of a fresh picked strawberry. Do you remember those little micro-hairs on a just picked strawberry that perhaps can only be seen in the bright light of the summer sun. They tickle your lips if you bite it just right. For a while there, upon puberty, fresh strawberries grossed me out because they looked too much like noses.

Summertime may make all your senses burst alive, but it also allows you to let it all go, slide on out the side-door into a deeper state of calm resting awareness. 

Sunning on the porch

Perhaps it is the warmth, or maybe it is lack of agenda, but some of the best memories of summer are those simple moment of pure relaxation.

Maybe it is enjoying a picnic in your backyard under an old oak tree, or washing the dishes with the windows open smelling fresh cut grass mixed with your roses. Maybe it is sitting on the porch indulging in a trashy book, hearing the distant laughter of the children as they chase butterflies.


Maybe it was the silly moments that made your summer?

But in all the fun, in all the relaxation or reckless abandon, or in all those many memories made, one of the most important aspects of a successful summer for families is:

How deeply did you connect with your family this summer? 

Summertime brings many potential moments for deep connection with children, spouses and extended family. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in "doing" too much, instead of just listening, observing, or just simply being fully present in the moment.

I went to a college friend's wedding this summer. It was a special time to reconnect with old friends, and also to see my mother and grandmother. It was such a short trip, and since I was in the wedding party, much of my time was spent running this way and that. I brought my baby daughter too, just to complicate things. I hated that I was pulled in so many directions. I just wanted to sit and relax and be present.

The three generations

Some of my best memories were the simple ones. My 85-year-old grandmother smiling ear-to-ear as she shone her light to my daughter teaching her patty-cake. Or glimpsing at my mom mothering my baby down the hotel hall, as she fusses and hovers over her while I get dressed. Seeing the happiness simply ooze off my friend as she relaxes after the wedding ceremony, knowing her marriage dreams have finally come true. Unlacing her wedding dress. Finally alone with my mom, chattering like school girls for a whole two minutes while pulling up the car to the hotel door.

Fanciest dress & highest heels I've ever worn

True, there were moments this summer at home with the kids that I was bored. "Hello boredom, you have come to visit again," I'd say in hopes of realizing that this boredom was just another passing emotion. But sometimes that visitor over-stayed its welcome. And so did Mr. No-Motivation. There were times this summer I was scattered and tense. There were moments I wish I reacted differently. But all-in-all, looking back at all that we did and didn't do, and all the sense-memories that we made, I do believe that we will deeply remember it for a little while longer. I will call it the summer of nearly one and four (the ages of my kids).

Lazy sunny beach days

Farmer's market water labyrinth

After dinner tricycle rides 

Learning the Lesson of Letting Go, Again.

I can't tell you how many times I have learned that I just got to let things go. Sometimes I want something so darn bad that it becomes a real burden, an obsessive mind-screw. Its true, especially, the more "it" (some sort of thing or person) fights against my desire. I know this. And I know I can find some sort of peace in my mind if I just let it go. But yet, still find myself struggling at times, grasping at thin air.

How many times have a heard that when you finally let "it" go, and finally stop struggling, and drop all that stress on your mind and spirit that you have created for yourself, then and only then, will "it" magically turn around and come easily to you.

I read about couples who have tried everything to conceive. And I mean everything. For years. The minute they stop wanting and stop struggling, "it" happened for them.

I know this, yet I keep relearning it. Just this week, in fact, it was almost laugh-able how clear it was, and how fast it came back at me.

For weeks now, I have been wanting to go so this special yoga class, Bouyancy Control: Bandhas and Arm Balancing with Guest Instructors Brock & Krista Cahill. Due to various circumstance, I haven't had the luxury to go to any special classes with visiting teachers in, hmmm, years. The class seemed perfect to challenge me, and the teachers so fascinating. I wanted it, and wanted it, and I wanted it.

The problem was that my husband was going to be out of town that weekend for a ceremony, and so I would have to get a babysitter to watch my kids for my yoga class before, and then the special workshop at another location after. Seeing as the workshop was already crazy expensive, I couldn't afford a babysitter for all of that. Not to mention me not liking to leave my 10 month old for a total of  6 hrs.

None the less, I wanted to go so bad. My mind thought and thought over all the ways I could possibly go. All the favors I could call in for free babysitting, or getting a sub for my class. But then suddenly, I grew tired of figuring out a way to make it happen. I even grew tired of my burning desire to want to go. So on the way home from yoga the other day, I just said out loud, I give up. I am just going to let it go. I finally found peace of that drive home with not going. There will be more workshops, and more wonderful yoga classes, I thought.

Upon arriving home, I mentioned to my husband that I was disappointed that I would have to miss the special workshop. "Oh," he said. And we started looking at family calendar and all the commitments. My husband causally mentioned, that by the way, that ceremony next weekend has been moved to October.

"No way," I said. "That means I can go to that yoga workshop after all!"

And I did a big leap thrusting my fist in the air and smiled like a silly doll.

Thank you, I got that lesson in letting go...again.

It is okay to want things. I remember a teacher saying, "the Dali Lama still enjoys a nice meal". But in the process of wanting, you find yourself grasping and clinging at it desperately, and find it is causing yourself a lot of extra mental chatter, or even stress, then it sounds unhealthy for you and like it is time to let it go.

In my case, I caused all the stress on myself because I wanted to make it happen. Yet, it happened anyways, whether I caused that stress to myself or not.

I ask you, dear reader, what are you wanting so bad that it is weighing down your mind and clogging spirit? What lessons lately have you learned about letting go?

Summer Bounty: Simple Butternut Squash Soup

Sticking to my theme of simple, quick, and nutritious meals for your family using your summer bounty, here is my butternut squash recipe:

1 large butternut squash
1 large onion (diced)
1 large potato
2 tbs butter
broth
salt & pepper to taste
optional: garlic, sour cream

1. Cut off all the skin of one large (or 2 small/medium) butternut squash.
Note:  I heard that it may be easier to do this if you roast in the oven for a bit. If you do it this way, obviously you don't have to boil as long. I don't do it this way because it is more washing and more steps for me to mess it up with the kids always distracting me!

2. Cut squash into half, remove the stringy seedy inside, and cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks. Peel the potato and cut into quarters.

3. Put squash & potato in a large pot, cover with broth of your choice, until about 1 inch over the squash.

4. Boil until squash is very soft (about 15 - 20 mins). Add more water or broth if liquid level drops below squash.

5. In a separate pan, melt butter and saute onions until soft. Season with salt. Optional: sneak in some garlic. One or 2 chopped garlic cloves.

6. Add onion mixture to pan, along with the remaining 1 tbs butter.

7. Wait until squash has cooled a bit, then puree.

* You may need to add water depending on your thickness preference. I tend to like thick soups.

To serve, add a tsp of sour cream, and serve with some crusty bread. Pair with a leafy and veggie salad for a perfect summer dinner.

Let me know if you try it!

Summer Bounty: Red Pepper & Tomato Soup

Our garden is overflowing with tomato and peppers right now. If yours is too, here is a recipe for the tastiest soup I have ever made (and I am a soup fiend). Not to mention the easiest!

2 large red peppers (1lb) halved
4 medium tomatoes (1lb) halved and cored
1 small onion (1/4lb) cut inot 1/2 inch slices
2 (or more) garlic cloves, halved
1 1/2 tbs olive oil
1/2 tsp ground coriander
3/4 C water
1 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp sugar
salt & pepper to taste
2 tbs finely chopped mint
Optional: 2 tbs cream or sour cream

1 - Toss bell peppers, tomatoes, onion and garlic with oil and coriander in large roasting pan and broil 4 inches from broiler (peppers cut side down) until edges of veggies are charred (about 7 mins).

2 - Stir veggies, then broil until tender (3 - 5 mins).

3 - Let peppers cool, and peel them.

4 - Puree everything, including juices.

5 - Stir in remaining ingredients.

6 - Optional: serve with a bit of cream, or sour cream. Also tastes good chilled.