The year 2011 started off very slowly, carefully and insular. New baby by my side and one vehicle meant a lot of days sitting, nesting, and being with my kids fully while at home. Things were quiet, sleepy, and cozy.
I used this time to reconnect with myself again after the long nine months of sharing my body with another while raising vibrant preschooler. Those precious few months after she was first born were so nice. She slept a lot. I cleared my schedule. I got more creative than I had since my first born. I started a home yoga practice. I started to write again. I gave my son a lot of one-pointed attention out of love and understanding that he probably needed it as reassurance with a new baby changing his family dynamic.
Fast forward to the end of 2012 and life seems so busy, overscheduled, sleep deprived that I can barely relax. I noted to my husband the other day that I never sit anymore to just relax, or even better, to meditate. I used to meditate before I went to bed, and then I started working late into the evenings, and my daughter started to cry for me as soon as I crept upstairs. Although I teach several classes a week, my own personal practice has suffered the last few months.
As fast and stressful as things have been, it's all be so sweet. I feel so blessed at all the opportunities I've had to connect to others, to learn and grow.
Recently life has been chalked full of many great adventures, some that help me financially, some that have helped push me beyond my boundaries in my teaching, and others that involved celebrating and hosting loved ones. All good honorable life affirming things.
But my wish for 2012 for myself is to find the balance between the two extremes with simple, still, and peaceful on one side, and adventurous, over-ambitious, and over-scheduled on the other. It seems I need them both to feel whole and alive. Now I just need the wisdom to find the balance!
A potent dream I had recently sticks in my psyche and reaffirms the necessity of returned to a more balanced life. In this dream I was completely at one with my body as I turned a pirouette on a high toe in seemingly slow motion. There was nothing more blissful than the feeling of being completely and utterly centered in my body in that turn - I felt like a spinning top rotating around center axis. Because I felt so centered, the motion was so easy. Life was spinning around so slowly that I could take it all in.
I remember thinking about that one moment in the pirouette, and the accompanying feelings several more times that night while still dreaming. I even had another dream weeks later that referenced the pirouette dream.
I suppose the dream is about finding balance in everyday, but also about being centered in my mind and body at every micro-second. I do believe I found my image for 2012.