Releasing the Hot Spring Within

When our power has been stopped 
or shut down, we can feel rage at having our boundaries crossed 

and our creativity thwarted. 

Ana Forrest, Fierce Medicine.

Have any other parents with small children felt this internal rage building ready to rise forth? The quote above  certainly struck a cord with me. It knew it wasn't from being a full-time mom, that it was something deeper. I cherish the blessing of being a mother, and tried as I may to keep the creativity and spirit flowing along with raising two young children, but still there was a certain amount of bubbling from my inner hot spring of discontent.

The bubbling eased off dramatically when I started to tap into my own creativity, such as getting back into sewing projects. As well as getting back into yoga and doing daily meditation certainly helped. More recently, I have been pushing myself to find ways to creatively connect with my three-year-old son in ways that we both enjoy and that push us deep into experiencing the moment. Like making up silly plays about super heroes, and even involving my baby girl.

Super picnic baby, ready to save the picnic from killer ants,
 ferocious bears or other descending bad guys.

This has helped. Writing this blog has helped to release some of my bubbling "adult thoughts" that knock in my body waiting to explode onto the magic world wide web-o-sphere. Writing is how I connect to myself and feel more connected to the world.

However, if I looked deep within, there was still a wellspring of hotness brewing and begging to be released.

It has been a month since I started teaching a proper vinyasa yoga class (for just adults) at Mukti Yoga. The class is my own. There is no studio owner to obey or please. I feel no need to conform my teachings to any authority. It is just me, and the words that flows from my lips bursting onto my students with a frenzy because they have been locked up brewing inside of me for over a year.

I am back after taking a year off teaching a proper yoga class. We moved. I had a baby, and I was waiting for the right studio to let me in.

Before this, when we lived in Tennessee and my first baby was small, I was only able to teach one class a week at a hospital. I had many wonderful students, but given the parameters of the class, one hour, in a hospital health center in a cold, florescent-lit room, it was hard to go as deep as I wanted to go as a teacher. This class just barely kept my wellspring from  turning into a raging erupting hot spring.

Finally, I have a beautiful space, and students who want to learn and want to go deep.  They have opened up and let go and allowed me to lead the body and minds toward a deep (maybe a deeper) place within themselves. By doing so, it has released the hot spring brewing within me. Finally, I am connecting directly to other beings, and in my own way, I hope, helping them to see beyond samsara, or that dualistic world we all get so trapped up in.

It even feels like there is a bit of MAGIC in the air at the end of a good class.

This is when the students have worked hard with their bodies and minds, and have finally "let go" and *poof* there we all are, just breathing and being together. It is like we have opened a door to a more peaceful and pure place. That is the place that exists within each of us, but here it is, in this yoga room, the atmosphere pulsing and vibrant.

I can only teach if I have students. As a students, we all know, you can only go as far as you are willing go. I am so thankful for willing students.

It seems that by teaching yoga to willing and able students, it has allowed my inner power to finally rise forth.

This inner power has not been fully tapped into for what seems like years. Teaching not only unleashes my inner power, but also a vital aspect of my being - my creativity and intuition. Rarely do I plan out my whole class. I have a general idea, but use my intuition to see what is needed for those beings that day.

It can't describe how wonderful it feels to finally melt that internal agnst by breaking out of my little comfort zone at home and unleashing my teaching on those who will sit peacefully and endure it. I know I have a long way to go as a teacher, but for me, I suppose, I just need to teach and learn as I go.

London Bridges: a fun pose for the whole family

London bridges pose has been a favorite in my family yoga class. It is also a wonderful stand alone pose to do at home with your kids. It is great for building strength in your core, legs and wrists. It also re-energizes the whole body. Encourage your whole family to join in. Watch the rejuvenating effects afterwards!

London Bridges Domestic Yogi Style: 
1) Sit on your bottom with your feet on the floor, hip width apart. Place your hands flat behind you, fingers facing forward, elbows in.

2) Invite your child (at least walking age) to sit on your lap facing you. Or have them watch.

3) Raise your seat up to shoulders height. Keep your feet parallel. Don't let your toes flail out - this will help protect your lower back.

3) Sing: London bridges falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridges falling down. My fair lady. If your child sitting on you, they can practice their balance by staying sitting up, or they may want to try laying back like my son in the picture. If your child is watching, encourage them to crawl under the bridge before it falls.

4) Let your seat "crash down" indicating that the bridge has fallen down. (Remember to go slow if you have a younger child on your lap).

5) Go back into the pose, and sing: Build it up with wood and clay, wood and clay, wood and clay. Build it up with wood and clay. My fair lady - o!

6) Repeat again, or try with straight legs (see variation below).

Variation

I like to do one round with bent legs. This way your body has a chance to warm up a little, and your child has fun balancing on top of you. Next, I like to do it with straight legs for the full purvottanasana pose. I recommend being comfortable with purvottannasana pose on your own first before trying it with a child on your lap. If you child wants to be on top, have them scoot up closer to your heart. Remember, you can always encourage them to crawl under your "bridge".

If you child is on your lap, keep your head up so you can watch your child and make sure they are safe. Your hips may not get as high as you'd like them with the child on your lap, but know you are still getting a good work out with the extra weight.

Rainsticks: make rain, create stillness

Kids love music. They also love to be creative and express themselves. Why not give them the opportunity to use their hands and their imaginations to create something sacred, beautiful and soothing.

I had the pleasure of watching four children, aged 2 - 4, for a day who were up for the challenge of making their own rainsticks. 

THEME OF THE DAY: RAIN!

While we made our sticks, we listened to meditative "rain" music.  For inspiration, we also watched some YouTube videos of people making music with rainsticks. 

We talked about rain:  how we feel when it rains and why it is beneficial. We talked about storms: how they can be scary; why they happen; and how powerful it is. 

We added feathers and rainbows to our rainstick because they are other beautiful things that are found in the sky.

HOW WE MADE THEM

1)  CARDBOARD TUBE: We used a short mailing tube, (18" long x 2" wide).

2) SPIRAL: draw a staircase-style spiral from one end to the other of the tube.

3) NAILS: Each kid hammered in 1.5" nails along the spiral line. 

The kids had a great time doing this in fact. The younger one practiced nailing into a spare piece of Styrofoam, while the older kids got to work. Each tube had about 30 - 40 nails in it. Our tube was a bit hard to get the nail through the cardboard initially, so after they tired of doing it themselves, I started the nail and they just had to finish it off. 

4) FILL UP THE INSIDES: Beans, lentils, rice and lavender (we cut from our bush outside).

Eight little hands scooped up their selection and had fun funneling it into their rain stick. We filled the tube until almost 2/3rds full.

5) DECORATE: cloth fabric, ribbons, feathers, beads, rainbow ribbon.

Each kid choose one or two pieces of fabric to wrap around their stick. I glued it on for them. Then they all chose one ribbon which was tied on along with a feather, beads. Each one also had a rainbow ribbon glued on, and a hawk feather, to help give the stick more "sky power". 

6) PLAY!

Now each child has their own unique rainstick to play and dance and dream with. It has a nice soothing sounds if tilted slowly. Unfortunately, the "rain" does go a tad quick. But it is peaceful to sit and tilt and listen. Or, as children tend to do when around each other, we had fun dancing and playing energetically with them. Another way to express our true spirit!

SIMPLE VARIATIONS

You can also use a papertowel tube, and poke it with toothpicks or straight pins. Then tape up the ends.

For older children or teens, I would of spent more time talking about using the rainstick as a way to bring them back to their own sacred peaceful place. It is so important to teach children and teens ways to find a moment or two of inner peace. Using a rainstick, decorated guided by their inner self, and listening to its soothing power, is a way for them to calm their mind, and reconnect back to their inner self.

Each stick as unique as each child

RAINSTICK ORIGINS

Rainsticks are musical and ceremonial instruments used from ancient times to the present day. Their name describes the soothing rain-like sound that these instruments produce. Although rainsticks were used by many different cultures, they were primarily used in Chili where there is a legend that rainsticks were created to remind the spirits that rain was needed. 

Rainsticks are made from the wood skeleton of a dead cactus plant. The cactus needles are collected and poured back into the skeleton, along with tiny stones and pebbles. Other historic tubular rattles are made of either whole reeds (such as bamboo) or plaited reed strips. They have palm needles stuck into the walls of the tube, and are filled with pebbles or hard seeds.

Traditional-style cactus rainstick

Can the Teacher Hear My Thoughts in Yoga Class?

Short answer: yes.

Most likely, the teacher can't hear your specific thoughts, per say, but rest assured they can pick up when you are thinking, verses when you are completely absorbed in your breath/body awareness.

Can the teacher tell when you are having "unpure" thoughts?

Yes.

Seriously?

Yes.

But how? Do yoga teachers have special super powers?

Uh, no. Or, at least not this one. It is simple really. When in a good yoga class, the attention is inwards.  The energy of the room shifts from the normal "mental/visual" level,  lets call it, to a more inward/intuitive energy.

A good teacher knows inside and out the feeling of deep, one-pointed, non-judgmental, conscious awareness. Or more simply put, pure consciousness. While teaching, the teacher has "feelers" out, receptive to what is going on in their classroom. The teacher can feel when students are emitting that pure conscious energy. They can tell who is in their zone, and who is not.

Whenever a student is not reaching this potential, a different sort of energy, a tainted or "unpure" energy is emitted  Aggression and ego have certain energy. Lust and envy have another energy. Distracted thoughts of past or future emit a sort of lower static or scattered-type energy.

The other day, I had a couple new students in my class who were in the front row. Try as I might to lead them to a quieter place within themselves, I could not over-ride their loud thoughts hurdling at me like poison darts as we moved through a variation of sun salutes. "What the hell is this? What the hell is that? Not this again! Why are we going so damn slow..." the thoughts kept hurdling.

After a while, the fresh prana starts to kick in. Their thoughts start to slow. My energetic shield lowers.

I find that any "unpure" thought in a yoga class environment is amplified. Even if the student is just thinking a mild, what the hell? The thought still has a direction (at the teacher, at themself, or a fellow student) and is still received as a poison dart. I bring this up to illustrate how powerful and harmful our thoughts are to ourselves and others.

Unpure thoughts are like poison darts. Poison darts people!

So remember this while practicing yoga. Stop hurting others and yourself by launching poison dart thoughts. Become aware when you are out of your zone, and take a deep breath. Refocus.

Even better. Remember your thoughts are powerful on and off the mat. Before you start launching your darts, take a breath. Find your heart center, think Cupid.

There is nothing sweeter than students emanating Cupid bliss arrows. They are not hurting anyone. They are melting the impurities and knots within, planting new seeds of pure-loving kindness in their bodies. They move from the heart and their light seems to fill up the room. They may even be helping to purify the energy of the classroom to help you back in your zone. 

Teaching Children About Feelings Can Help Us With Our Own

In my child/parent yoga classes lately I have been starting to talk about what it means to be "centered" or at peace within ourselves. I note when the child or children seem to be at peace during the class so they realize what it feels like within themselves.

At the end of class, we talk about some of the different emotional states that come up during class. I tell them that it is perfectly acceptable to feel the different ways, but that it makes me happy to see them always returning to a peaceful state, or finding their center again.

The most important lesson, I believe, is telling them that their true nature or true self can shine forth when they are at peace within themselves. 

How do you feel when you are in your peaceful state? Do you know inside and out how you feel when you are centered?

Lately I have been talking with my three-year-old about anger. It is so nice that he is old enough to start discussing these things, instead of just letting him feel his way through.

Everyone feels anger, I tell him. It is okay to feel anger. When we are angry, we have a whole lot of powerful energy. We may feel like kicking or screaming or hitting to let it out the "anger energy" from where we feel it in our body. That is okay. BUT we must be careful not to hurt anyone with our words or with our body.

When we are in an anger state, it is soooo tempting to let our anger energy out on others who are around us. I tell my son, no matter how angry you feel, or why you are angry, it is never okay to hurt someone with your words or body.

This is such a big life lesson. And it may take all his life to be able to recognize when he is not centered, and to exercise self-restraint from acting out  on others.

As an adult, I find myself in low moments saying things and doing things I don't mean when I am angry. I have never thought or talked so much about feelings and how to deal with them before. It has really helped to shed light on my own state of being.

Teaching my son is a reminder to myself of how important it is to recognize when I am not centered and not my true self, and knowing the healthy ways to "let it out" and find my center again.

Zone Time Battles in the Home

My son is a lot of fun, and I love to play with him, but it seems like a constant battle some days to get him to play a little by himself. I love to see him zoned out and tuned into his own little world of imagination and/or discovery. I happen to think it is so important, but is it? And is it worth the battle, which seems to just put him in the opposite direction mentally?

Lets first take a look at Maria Montessori, founder of the Montessori method of child education.  The Montessori method encourages children to do the activity alone, and seems to push the children into their own personal "zone" where they are deeply and actively engaged and on the cusp of their learning curve.

My superhero hippie loves 'zone-time' with friends

To me, this means, the children are, thus, connected to their deeper Self, and not so caught up in their "ego", or "drama mind", throughout the day.

Maria Montessori, by the way, is an awesome female role-model. She was the first female to graduate in medicine from the University of Rome back just before the 20th century. She also studied educational philosophy, psychology and anthropology.

While Director at a "Children's House" with 3 - 5 year-olds, Maria found that children who were freely participating in the activities "began to evidence a kind of inner calmness, and they were able to concentrate contentedly for very long periods of time. Not only did they quickly absorb complex skills and sophisticated knowledge, they also developed a self-discipline which relieved any need for external authority. In their dealings with adults and other children, they began to show great thoughtfulness, compassion and understanding. It was if their work at the Children's House lifted some great weight off their minds, freeing them to focus on their own inner thoughts and purpose"(Basic Montessori by David Gettman). Her methods grew from there.

It sounds ideal to me as to what I am striving towards for my own children. However, it has me thinking about my son lately who has been, I admit, driving me nuts because I can't seem to get him to become deeply engaged with anything alone, beside watching television. Lately, he wants me to constantly entertain him, or help me with whatever I am doing. I know he has it in him, which is why it is bothering me.

Captain Underpants

I would love have my son deeply entranced in his playing zone throughout the day. I would love to see him at the edge of his learning curve, being creative, being connected to his spirit. Lately, some days he does when he plays with his mini cars for a good 15 minutes, or when he runs around the house fighting imaginary bad guys in his superhero costumes. Just yesterday, he went into his room for five minutes and came out dressed as a superhero strung out with up-teen pairs of superhero underwear. Yeah, that was a good five minutes. But to me, it seems that his "zone" times usually involves someone else.

I do my best to create a fun, engaging day, where I am constantly teaching him things, and seeing his spirit shine forth. For the most part, I love it! But the day can get very long. I grow tired. I can see if my son is bored with all the stuff we have, then of course he would come to me to entertain him since I always know how to push him developmentally and in a fun way.

I wonder if I am expecting too much from him, or perhaps I am enabling this behavior in some way?

I don't know the answer, but I do think my irritation with him has little to do with him, and mostly to do with me.

I am the one who is irritated by his behaviour. What really is bothering me?

Well, it's the fact that I feel like I am not doing my job as a parent because "my ideals" say that a happy spirited kid should be playing absorbed "their zone" by themself. Wow, it seems silly to own up to that, but it's true. I can see the falsity of that now.

The other thing that's irritating about his behavior is it doesn't give me any personal space to get into my own zones. By nature, and since I was a child, I derive the most pleasure and feel the most connected experiencing the world alone. I LOVE being alone (within balance anyways).  I remember being four or five and telling my mom to send the neighbour kid away because I didn't want to play with them. I just didn't feel like myself around other kids. I liked playing by myself so I could be myself.

At home with my kids, some days I feel like it is a constant battle, strategies and excuses included, of ways I can co-habitate with my son but yet escape his clutches. The newest thing is calling the grandmas who always indulge him in his endless silly conversations. (Thank God for grandparents. It is a welcome relief to get 5 or more minutes to focus on my baby one-pointedly while I know my son is in his full glory).

My son is sharp though. As soon as he is on to me and my plans to shift his energy away from me for a little thought break, or heaven forbid, senses my irritation with him not leaving me alone, he amps up his game, and it can get very sticky.

If I look at my goal as a parent as a whole, it would be to encourage him to connect to his spirit as much as possible throughout the day. In that context, then, I suppose we are succeeding. 

All day long, when we interact or when he interacts with others, his true spirit definitely shines forth (for the most part). And it is completely awe inspiring. And totally different than myself as a child. He has been like this from day one. He was always the happiest when I shone attention his way, barely able to derive pleasure as a baby by himself for more than five minutes. My six month old daughter, on the other hand, demands to be left alone at times during the day. She will cry or fuss while with me until I put her down and then she looks so happy and relieved. She has a lot of zone moments sitting on the floor by herself playing away. Two different spirits needing different things, but both equally acceptable.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, who wrote the book The Conscious Parent (which I highly recommend), says that the spiritual purpose behind our becoming parents is to grow and transform. Our children came to us to learn how to become whole. The interaction with each other makes us both aware of all that we yet have to learn together.

I take this to mean, I need to learn how to create more zone moments for myself with others.  I am not going to drop my solo zone time because it is essential for me, but  this is where I need to grow. My son, on the other hand, has to learn how to find more ways to find his zone solo. He came to me for a reason. We need to learn from each other.

Of course I will keep encouraging my son to stay connected with his spirit while with others. As he gets older, it will be harder with society distractions and pressures to keep that connection with himself. It is my job to help him remember his true self, and help him learn ways he can do this.

So, working through this. Now that I have dropped my attachment to my belief that solo zone moments are the ideal:

1. I need to drop my ideal that SOLO zone time is best, and best for everyone. 
2. I need to find even more ways for me to get in my zone with my son, so I don't feel so depleted.
3. I need to take time out to get good zone time in when my son is not around. And for me that means feeding my own spirit in an engaged activity ALONE. 
4. I need to research and implement some new Montessori activities, or other ones, to help engage my son and hope that helps encourage more solo zone moments for him.
5. I need to try to feel more love and connection when I start being irritated with my son for always wanting me around. I mean, he isn't going to want me around forever! And I think understanding the roots of this problem will help.

Ahhh, this helped, thanks Blog!

Portrait of a Mother on Mother's Day



Motherhood Has Been a Blessing
Thank you my children for blessing me with your spirit and presence, and trusting me to be your mother and raise you in this lifetime. Thank you for teaching me many lessons, and allowing me to work towards being the highest being I can become in this lifetime.

Honoring the Mom in Our House

Homemade waffles, card and flowers make this mom feel super special.



A Mother's Day Mandala: Honoring Mothers in All Directions

It is wonderful to be appreciated and honored on Mother's Day, but for me, I like to honor all the mother's in my life, all mother's everywhere, and the Divine Mother.  Creating this mandala/alter helped to connect me to all three. 

The act of building the mandala brought me into the moment and generated great joy in my heart. I offered food, flowers, light, precious stones, love (from my heart and a visual purple heart I drew), cedar and burned sage.

I also offered a geode (bottom left). I love the symbolism of the geode. They are brown, hard and rather plain on the outside, but on the inside they are hollow and filled with crystals. It reminds me of the essence of motherhood. We offer so much of ourselves to our family. It isn't about using your energy to become the most stunning beautiful thing on the outside. That doesn't benefit our children. It is about being full of pure light and wisdom and shining that to our loved ones so they can flourish.

A bouquet of flowers and card to be delivered to a special mom-friend who lives down the road from us.

Listening To Intuition

When visiting the neighbour's pigs in the barn, my son intuitively did this with his hands. The sound and smell of the pigs was a little too much for him, so he instinctually found a way to dull his senses so he could brave going in to see the pigs. (It reminds me of a pranayama technique - sanmukhi mudra - where you cover your eyes, nose, and ears and try to breath with your senses covered)

Sherpa mom trekking home from our flower delivery. 

Up next: a butterfly hunt in our long grass and sunny sun shining.





Butterfly hunting while testing out the mai tai wrap with baby on the back.

We both liked it! It is easier on the back and nice to feel more range of moment than having her in the front.

First Real Lesson on Death

I went inside for a moment and came back outside to find this. My son looked up at me with tears in his eyes. Daddy was just finished saying a prayer for a butterfly. They buried it near the lilac bush. Apparently my son had tried to pick it up once he caught it in the net and had accidentally killed it. 

It touched me that my son felt truly sad in his being for the butterfly. He said he didn't want it to go back to the spirit world. He felt bad he killed it, even by accident. Teaching compassion and respect for living things is one thing, but you can't make someone feel it. What a beautiful Mother's day gift!

The words killing and die have been used all too easily in my three-year-olds play time. We role play fight scenes because that is what he loves to do. But it troubles me that he doesn't understand more about what it means. I am so thankful for this little lesson. 

Ending in Yoga

As wonderful as it was to spend a joyful day with my family, I also know the importance of taking care of myself. For me right now that means taking a break away from my family to connect one-pointedly with my body and breath without any risk of interruption. So I had the privilege of attending a good sweaty vinyasa flow class where I could just show up, breathe, and do what was directed. Sweet! The teacher, a new mom herself, kindly gave up her time with her family to teach us. What a blessing!

Reflection

Last year's Mother's Day started off without the men of my house showing a whole lot of respect for the women in their life. It was disappointing. However, after going to a sacred ceremony with a few other moms, I felt renewed, empowered and connected again. It made me realize how utterly important the feminine energy is to maintain peace and balance, and that although the feminine can subtle, it is just as strong. Rather like water burrowing pathways through solid rock to create beautiful caverns.

Last year I realized how important it is to gather with other women to help remember our own feminine divinity within and to unite so we could all become stronger. I had another female growing inside of me, and feeling especially hit down in a male-dominated world, I realized how important it was to me to share with my daughter in the future how special and beautiful it is to be a woman today in this world.

As you can see, this Mother's Day brought a lot of "gifts" just mindfully observing (and recording) the ebb and flow of my family as they go about the day.

A year ago, we had just moved to a new state and a new town in hopes that it would help us grow into the beings we needed to become. This year, we are definitely more settled and feeling like we found our tune.