A Necklace for Mothers

Wanted to share with you this gorgeous necklace, hand-crafted by Creativity is Messy, that was given to my dear friend at her baby shower.

This necklace spoke to me as a powerful symbol of the spirit of motherhood. 

For mothers, a great shift occurs, not only in the mother's body while pregnant, but also in her psyche. Many women (including myself) spend most of their lives tending to their own needs - working on developing their intellect, beauty and independence. Not to mention the energy spent attracting the right mate and keeping them.

Then BAM one day she becomes pregnant and all her energy naturally shifts away from herself and her needs, to that of another human being. For better or worse she is permanently changed.

Being a mother is an around the clock job, with endless dramas, tiring moments, and yet, many countless sweet ones too.

Nothing speaks to the selflessness of motherhood like a mother bird tending to her eggs. Rain or shine, weeks upon weeks, there is mother bird, centered, doing  her motherly job - sitting on her eggs. 

During the blessingway part of the baby shower, the girlfriends gathered together and spoke to the power of motherhood and the necessity of leaning of girlfriends because they are the ones who understand what you are going through. This necklace was a beautiful reminder not only of how special being a mother is, but also of the power of girlfriends too.

This particular jewelry piece stood out to me above other similar pieces on Etsy because of the workmanship, and unique style. It had both a nest and a bird, and with the blue Swarovski crystal, it has a little bit of bling too. When I asked Tera Larson of Creativity is Messy if she would be able to create a piece for me with turquoise oval eggs (the original piece had pearls), she was inspired. I was impressed with her communication, and friendliness. She sent over samples of the stones, and had it ready for me in no time. Let me tell you, the final product did not disappoint.

There is something to be said about the beauty of working with a real live person to create a special keep-sake jewelry piece. I love knowing my money was spent supporting an individual living their passion. It is still a bit weird for me using the internet as a medium, but I like that it cuts out the middle man.

I was particularly interested in the turquoise stones for the eggs of this "Necklace for Mothers" since it such a powerful stone. It is said to have many healing and awakening properties, as well as be very grounding. It is not a surprise then that turquoise is considered sacred to past and present Native Americans, as well as ancient cultures like the Egyptians.

How sweet is it that according to this website, "if given a turquoise by a loving friend, that stone would protect the wearer from negative energy and bring good fortune. The turquoise is the symbol of friendship. It also brings peace to the home."

Mothering, to me has been a journey of self discovery and awakening. I have learned so much about myself, and have felt so many poignant emotions I have never experienced before. It has pushed me to my limits and because of this, I have more compassion for others in their tough moments.

How fitting it is that "the turquoise gem stone is a stone of self realization helping you to better understand yourself, your ideas and your emotions." Just another reason to love this Necklace for Mothers.

Namaste

Yoga Post Baby - A Stronger Woman From the Inside Out

One month after baby, I started getting back into yoga regularly. It wasn't much of a choice really. After about five months of not being able to do much of anything very physical, even deep breathing, my natural energy and vitality meter read...zero. I couldn't stand my blah self anymore, so I turned to yoga and pranayama to fix it.

That was early December. Two months later, I feel like a different person. (No, this is not a paid advertisement for yoga). Not only is my vitality back, but I feel like I have a whole new lease on life. My inner creativity is bursting! My zest for life has come back! I can see the good in people and wake up inspired to live a new day again.

Like anything, it has been a journey. As I have mentioned in My Yogi Dark Side, I have not been a home practice sort of gal. Through desperation and against my natural tendency, I have forced myself to do at least five minutes a day (but hopefully much more) of yoga, or meditation or deep-focused breathing.

Some days I have completely failed. I have let life and all its chaos suck me in. Those were probably the days I needed to do it most. Those were the days I felt so uncentered and stressed and pulled in a zillion directions.  If I was having one of those days, and I managed to get a little session in, I found my world all of a sudden stopped spinning and the anxiety started to fade into the background.

Why just yesterday I managed to do a really nice yoga session on the porch. At dinner, we ate 1.5hrs later than usual (a no-no in my household with three peaceful people who turn into fire-breathing dragons when they are hungry). While being argued with and 'button-pushed'  by my partner on one side of the table, and tested with the patience of job on the other side of the table with the whining, distributive, can't-stay-still-in-his-seat overly-sugered three-year-old son,  I - remained - completely - calm. Yep.

I know for a fact it was the yoga. I can feel when I don't do enough, and those are the days  my emotions can get the best of me. Those are the days I react instantly instead of taking a breath and staying calm.

My breathing and yoga practices are nothing near physically intense as they used to be. If I do some advanced poses it is because I am warmed up and ready for them. I haven't pushed myself much. And I am okay with that. I know it will all come back in due time.

Yet, my practices (when I get past the 10 minute mark) are still very intense for a different reason. My focus gets sharper each time, and is intimately intertwined on my breath. My moves now are gentle, mindful, grateful and full of love. As a result, I am in tune with the subtleties of breath and body, and I am able to go deep. I feel calm and centered afterward, with an increased vibration. Yeah, I feel totally buzzed.

Pre-baby tough yogi

Prior to becoming a mother, my practice was competitive (mostly against myself), bold, fiery, with only a hint of grace. 

I was focused on breath and body, but it was a whole different game. It was all drive, and lots of ego. There was less compassion, understanding, and not enough love for my body and spirit.   

Actually, I had a deep awakening after my first vipassana retreat (pre-kids). Meditating so deeply for days on end on nothing but my body, I could feel all the fiery knots I had planted into my body. I knew a lot of the knots where there because I was so bent on pushing myself too much in my ashtanga yoga practice. (Kind of ironic, eh)

Yes, yoga had done me lots of good, but it was clear to me I needed to re-gig my mind a bit in my practice. I needed a good dose of self-love. Pure loving-compassion is akin to pure-consciousness. When emminating pure loving-compassion, you are showering down high voltages of pure consciousness waves.

On becoming a mother, I got to practice a whole lot of nothing but emminating pure loving-l\kindness to my baby. Really, at that point in my life there wasn't much to do all day other than "just be" with my baby and love him no matter what. You can't blame a baby, or "change" a baby. You can only send love to your baby. (Well, you can send other things, but it won't help anything). We didn't have tv or high-speed internet. No second car. New place in the country and no friends. It was like a mediation retreat - with not a lot of sleeping, and a lot of just sitting there holding/nursing/comforting.

The real me - pjs and no makeup

My point is, that becoming a mother helped me to get very good at channeling that universal divine force, manifested as loving-compassion, or a mother's love for her child.

Being a mother has helped me to connect more deeply with that force, and turn the love inward on myself.

Being a mother has helped me "get over myself".

Being a mother has brought me more joy in spontaneous moments than I knew could exist.

For all these reasons, coming back to the mat now, I feel like a totally different person than the pre-baby yoga me. I am becoming the woman that I was striving so hard to be in the first place. I may not be nearly as physically strong, (I am certainly now more lean and supple), but my heart is now opened and generates my strength. I may not have as much prana stored in my body at the moment, but I am working on building that back up again too.

I am definitely a stronger woman from the inside out, and that to me is worth losing my long strong warrior pose. I have gained much more than a softer belly.

Thank you, my children, for feeding my heart

Yogi Son

Flying yogini daughter

Just Schedule a C-Section?

A very delicate subject. I firmly believe that every woman has a right to decide how they bring their baby into this world. Drugs, surgery, no drugs, hospital, home, whatever. I try not to judge when I hear of women looking at their calendars and penciling in the time of their c-section, so simply like they are scheduling their next dentist appointment.

Now, pregnant and one week overdue, I am exhausted by days upon days of constant nagging thoughts of the oncoming onslaught of labor, the uncertainty of when it will happen, how it will happen, how long it will take. I constantly question if the baby will fit through this time or will I just end up with another c-section. Not to mention the pain of it all (drugs or no drugs).

Why didn't I just schedule a c-section? I could of just checked my zodiac charts, and chosen a good date and time (and had a happy libra instead of another fussy scorpio), and not have to of carried around this "mental baggage" for the last couple of weeks.

My last birth experience was completely exhilarating. No drugs. Super intense. The highest high I have ever experienced. And then at the end, they realized the baby's head was upside-down and he wasn't fitting through. Subsequently, I spent, what seemed like hours (could of been), of fighting the natural intense instinct to push every couple minutes. I kept, unintentionally, ripping out the IV in my arm. I was hooked to a heart monitor, and forced to breath into an oxygen mask, doing these ridiculous short breaths, and refused the plea for water. Physically, I was suck on the bed in one position. I couldn't move positions even if I tried.

I felt like a specimin trapped to a hospital bed; everything distorted and spiraling out of control. I felt like I was witnessing first-hand some trauma case on TV. Just when I think I possibly can't go on, I am in a surgical room surrounded by people with masks and sterile gloves, and bright florescent lights.

In a blink, there goes my hopes of a peaceful birth, low lights, ending with skin-to-skin connection, a delayed cutting of the cord. A beautiful entry for my baby into this world.

Instead, my son is ripped out of me screaming and (understandably) terrified. I can not help him. The nurses whisk him away to make sure he is okay. He finally comes back fully wrapped and hatted, eyes wide and, I might say, a little pissed off. "Sorry." I say, "we did the best we could." A few minutes with my son, and they whisk him away to the nursery against my wishes, even though he is okay, for the next six hours for monitoring. My heart aches.

No skin-to-skin contact here.
My husband bringing my son over to me for the first time.

It is no wonder that I sit and contemplate my next birth with an element of trepidation and fear.

That said, I have no reason not to believe the next birth will be nothing but utterly uplifting, peaceful and full of deep connection.

Birth of a child, to me, is a major life event. I take it seriously. I see it as a special and sacred event that is an honor bestowed upon women. When everything goes well, a birthing woman can be transported straight to the heavens, connected directly to her deepest innermost self, as well as connected to the "great mystery," or "great void" or "great spirit," whatever you call it.

The shear magnitude of the power a birthing woman 

harnesses within her natural-born body is out of this world. 

It puts her male counterparts attempts at a spiritual-high to shame. 

As a yogi and spiritual conquester, I believe that giving birth naturally is the highest, most empowering experience a woman can have in her lifetime (with exception for some spiritual women).

By giving birth naturally, 

I am truly honored that I get bestowed this tremendous opportunity to test my resolve, and deepen the connection with myself, my baby, my husband, and with the great spirit.

This is what it comes down to for me. Deepening the connection I feel to myself, to life and to others.

That is why I cannot absent-mindedly schedule a c-section, as nice as it does sound to me sometimes. I need to know that I did everything in my power to try to bring my baby into this world as consciously as I could.

I want my baby to start her life journey feeling the full magnitude of the universal life-force that descends when a women labors. I want my baby to know deep into her cell memory that I am there by her side, working with her, doing everything I can to remain focused, in tune, in order to deliver her into the hands of this earth-world as gracefully, and peacefully as I can. I want to be able to hold her for as long as I can, as soon as I can. I want to ease the startling transition to the outside for her.

The first mom/son meeting 

Let the struggle bring us closer together. Bring it on labor. Lets start this journey as mother and daughter out right.

A natural birth is the path I have chosen. I certainly now have much more compassion and understanding for women plagued by fear and who do decide to schedule a c-section.

Every woman is different. Every woman has a different outlook, and a different tolerance level. At the end of the day, it is her big life experience (and babies and dad's) and she has to live with the birth.