When our power has been stopped
or shut down, we can feel rage at having our boundaries crossed
and our creativity thwarted.
Ana Forrest, Fierce Medicine.
Have any other parents with small children felt this internal rage building ready to rise forth? The quote above certainly struck a cord with me. It knew it wasn't from being a full-time mom, that it was something deeper. I cherish the blessing of being a mother, and tried as I may to keep the creativity and spirit flowing along with raising two young children, but still there was a certain amount of bubbling from my inner hot spring of discontent.
The bubbling eased off dramatically when I started to tap into my own creativity, such as getting back into sewing projects. As well as getting back into yoga and doing daily meditation certainly helped. More recently, I have been pushing myself to find ways to creatively connect with my three-year-old son in ways that we both enjoy and that push us deep into experiencing the moment. Like making up silly plays about super heroes, and even involving my baby girl.
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| Super picnic baby, ready to save the picnic from killer ants, ferocious bears or other descending bad guys. |
This has helped. Writing this blog has helped to release some of my bubbling "adult thoughts" that knock in my body waiting to explode onto the magic world wide web-o-sphere. Writing is how I connect to myself and feel more connected to the world.
However, if I looked deep within, there was still a wellspring of hotness brewing and begging to be released.
It has been a month since I started teaching a proper vinyasa yoga class (for just adults) at Mukti Yoga. The class is my own. There is no studio owner to obey or please. I feel no need to conform my teachings to any authority. It is just me, and the words that flows from my lips bursting onto my students with a frenzy because they have been locked up brewing inside of me for over a year.
I am back after taking a year off teaching a proper yoga class. We moved. I had a baby, and I was waiting for the right studio to let me in.
Before this, when we lived in Tennessee and my first baby was small, I was only able to teach one class a week at a hospital. I had many wonderful students, but given the parameters of the class, one hour, in a hospital health center in a cold, florescent-lit room, it was hard to go as deep as I wanted to go as a teacher. This class just barely kept my wellspring from turning into a raging erupting hot spring.
Finally, I have a beautiful space, and students who want to learn and want to go deep. They have opened up and let go and allowed me to lead the body and minds toward a deep (maybe a deeper) place within themselves. By doing so, it has released the hot spring brewing within me. Finally, I am connecting directly to other beings, and in my own way, I hope, helping them to see beyond samsara, or that dualistic world we all get so trapped up in.
It even feels like there is a bit of MAGIC in the air at the end of a good class.
This is when the students have worked hard with their bodies and minds, and have finally "let go" and *poof* there we all are, just breathing and being together. It is like we have opened a door to a more peaceful and pure place. That is the place that exists within each of us, but here it is, in this yoga room, the atmosphere pulsing and vibrant.
I can only teach if I have students. As a students, we all know, you can only go as far as you are willing go. I am so thankful for willing students.
It seems that by teaching yoga to willing and able students, it has allowed my inner power to finally rise forth.
This inner power has not been fully tapped into for what seems like years. Teaching not only unleashes my inner power, but also a vital aspect of my being - my creativity and intuition. Rarely do I plan out my whole class. I have a general idea, but use my intuition to see what is needed for those beings that day.
It can't describe how wonderful it feels to finally melt that internal agnst by breaking out of my little comfort zone at home and unleashing my teaching on those who will sit peacefully and endure it. I know I have a long way to go as a teacher, but for me, I suppose, I just need to teach and learn as I go.
Great article. I could relate so much to what you talk about here even though I don't even do or teach yoga (Crazy, right?). But from the the building tensions to the release. I think about the children, the daily chores, the daily stresses and the festering frustrations from history (like from our own childhoods). These, big and small, build this tension or rage that really releases from us though creativity or physical challenges. For me, this year, it was my garden. It made me work and sweat through something I thought was going to be way easier but felt amazing!! Everything about it, but something about turning that soil and the work. How that makes me feel, my little garden, and what you have written here are so much the same. So, well said Samantha. And may we remember these important thoughts, should we deprive ourselves from these feelings later :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Heidi! Yes, I totally get it! Gardening is definitely creative, nourishing, meditative, physical and grounding all at the same time. So wonderful. Oh, and lets not forget a learning process! Thanks for your comment, and keep on painting!
ReplyDeleteDear Domestic yogi when ever i visit ur blog i am so inspired to practice yog regularly as know the entire process but later and mostly just do not do any regular practice just waiting away the time?
ReplyDeletewhat to do to stop passing away of this precious time? any suggestions?
Dear Anna Yogi, (sorry for the late response). I am sure you know the answers to your question, but since you asked me, I will write them to the best of my abilities.
ReplyDeleteI think the answer for you lies in living as fully present in the moment as much as possible.
From your picture it looks like you live in a beautiful place. So go outside and engage all of your senses with your surroundings. Be mindful of your breath and all the sensations of your body. Try to get out of your mind as much as possible, open up and experience all the moment has to offer you.
The more deeply you can open up to the moment, the more enjoyment you will feel in your heart. Try to find ways to engage others so that they are experiencing the moment fully with you. Use your body as much as possible in this process. Dance, walk, run, do yoga, make up stories, be creative, act out plays, try something new, make time for silence, these are all ways to live more presently in the moment and connect with our deeper self. Good luck!